July Column Winner

Recovering from eating disorders

By Jaden Jennings, Tri-County Herald

My roommates and I ordered two large pizzas from Little Caesars during my sophomore year of college. This meal was followed by a tub of ice cream and a belly full of regret.

I excused myself to the lady’s room because of my unsettled stomach, and without hesitation, I accidentally threw up every bit of those calories.

However, instead of being disgusted by this experience, I almost enjoyed it. When I lifted my head up, I loved the way I felt after. I loved how empty I felt with no more guilt, or anymore of those extra calories I would pay for the next day. In fact, this one bad meal from Little Caesars would be the start of my battle with bulimia.

From then on, when I would eat a big meal, I wouldn’t stop. I sometimes would find myself in my dorm binging out on things for no apparent reason at all. I would excuse myself to the bathroom and throw it all up without any guilt or shame, only happiness that it was gone and out of my system. If you have read my depression column, you know that unhappiness used to be one of my struggles during my sophomore year of high school.

However, four years later, bulimia would knock me down next during my sophomore and half of my junior year of college.

Unfortunately, I have noticed though that unhealthy eating habits go farther than just what I have experienced. Take anorexia rates in our generation for example, or even obesity rates. Food, I have realized, affects every part of our lives: whether that is eating too much or eating too little.

I want to be honest and transparent though. The dilemma is real, and food is good. I love it. It wasn’t until my college roommate noticed what I was doing that I realized I had a problem.

I’m not just saying that to discredit my own actions, but it wasn’t until I was caught by both her and my parents, that it hit me. I had overcome depression and even had public speaking sessions talking about how far I had come and how changed I was, but I was being hypocritical as I was hiding one of my biggest problems in the shadows of my victory.

As much as I could say all day long “oh I’m losing weight to be better,” I knew in my heart that I was doing it all for the wrong reasons.

However, a few health problems later, I knew I had to stop. I had no choice. My body was fighting against me. So, with everything in me and a few outside resources, I finally decided to quit. It wasn’t easy, but I had the choice sitting in the palm of my hands. It was up to me to take control.

With that struggle my sophomore year and some of my junior year, I have grown so much as a person and I even conducted a research study on eating disorders in college. I have been able to help numerous people with eating problems, including people I would have never even thought of who needed any help at all.

Although the temptation for bulimia is sometimes still there, I know I have a life to live and a purpose to be fulfilled.

I have taken heart knowing that everyone has their own struggles, no matter what that looks like. We live in a broken world with broken pieces, but to keep going despite our reality is something worth celebrating.

Even if that means you must give yourself some grace or a cheat meal from time to time.